On Friday I went to two appointments. The first, to meet my surgeon! Yipee! and the second to get the results of my first sleep study.  I am going to write a lengthy post on how the surgeon’s consult went later on, but now I want to talk about the sleep-study. Boo. 😦

I went to the pulminologist’s office and had to fill out some paperwork and then I was brought in the back to do some breathing test. Which I passed. So good news is, I can breath just fine when I am awake. After that they take me in the back to ask me some questions, “Do I fall asleep at red lights?” Lord no! “Do I fall asleep on the couch while watching movies?” Well, who doesn’t! LOL  They took my vitals, all fine.  Then the nurse practitioner comes in (Funny sidebar, I work with her husband, she assured me she wouldn’t mention that she met me, and I thought, well yea, there are things called HIPPA laws I sure hope you don’t mention my fat butt came in the office)

Anyway, she read over the results and i have mild to moderate sleep apnea and my particular surgeons wants all patients who have mild or worse apnea to have a c-pap machine.  They don’t want there patients developing pneumonia after surgery, which I can understand.  But I am not sure if I will ever get used to a c-pap machine.  I go back to do another sleep study with the machine to ensure proper fit, and flow, etc.  I am pretty damn bummed.

The nurse then did a physical exam and found something surprising, I have an extremely small airway.  So small that she is putting in her notes that I am to be fitted with a pediatric breathing tube for surgery,  This started a pretty funny conversation.  First when she said it was one of the smallest airways she has ever seen, I cried out…Oh my God is it because I am so fat! She said I want that big compared to her other patients and that it is anatomical. She then asked what I weighed in High School.  About 108 I said. She asked what was my ring size then. I said about a 4. She measured my wrists and neck. And she declared, wow, you are tiny! If I was drinking something I would have done a spit-take. She said you are very small statured, very petite, small-boned if you will.  I said, well yes, I have always said under all this fat I am a petite and delicate flower. She laughed. I liked her a lot. Even though I couldn’t convince her to convince my doc I don’t need a c-pap.  She assured me my insurance would cover it and I will be getting a call from the sleep lab to set up an appointment. I’ll keep you guys posted, but in the meantime, anyone out there use a c-pap? Is it as bad as everyone says?


Re-Routing the Plumbing? Or why am I choosing WLS?

I never ever thought I would even consider weight loss surgery. I have had some success with Weight Watchers in the past, losing upwards of 50 lbs. 3 times over a 15 year period.  But the catch was, I would always gain it back plus some. Well, you know how that goes.  Finally I had just resigned myself to being fat.  Full-disclosure: I currently weigh 227 and am 5’2.5  (yes, that half an inch counts!)

But then, I realized that as I got older, being fat wasn’t just a cosmetic issue.  It came along with health issues and that’s when the idea kept creeping in, that maybe WLS is a possibility.

in 2008 I became pregnant, it was shortly after my wedding (we are now divorced) and I was thrilled! I was never a girl who dreamed of being married (good thing, cause I ain’t no more!) or even having children.  But once I hit 30 I def started hearing that bio clock a’tickin’.  I was 33 when I had my little girl, a mere 29 weeks after conception.  Yup, she was a preemie- and not even a regular preemie but what they call in the medical profession, a Micro-Preemie.  She weighed 2.2 lbs.  She was 12 inches long. She was sick.  Very Sick.  But so was I.  See, the reason I had to deliver early was because I had Pre-eclampsia and HELPP Syndrome. You can read more here…


What causes these conditions, no one knows 100%, but one of the risk factors is obesity. I of course blamed myself for my little girls condition, even though my doctors assured me it wasn’t my fault. Thin women get these syndromes as well.  I’ll talk more about our NICU stay in later posts, but fast forward to today- my girl is 4 years old and smart, beautiful and most importantly healthy!

Next health issue, gall-stones. Painful Painful gall-bladder attack came in 2012.  When my doctor diagnosed me I looked up causes.  I read an article about people who exhibit the 4 F’s are more likely to have gallbladder diseases.

F-Family History
F-Forty (or approaching Forty)

Well, I am a chick, gallbladder disease runs in my family, I was 37 when I had my attack and you guessed it I am a fatty. So once again, something that happened to me that maybe could have been prevented.

I had my surgery in Dec 2012, and a few weeks later I started researching WLS, made an appointment to go to an info session on WLS options and started talking to my friends and family who had the surgery.  I realized, I was a candidate, and perhaps WLS might be a viable option for me!

My big fat Italian Family

So, of course if you are reading this you want to know a bit about me.  How far back do I go, to the womb? Introductions are so difficult, aren’t they?  Well, let’s start with my family.

I grew up in a very loving and supportive Italian family.  My mom is overweight and suffers from diabetes. My dad is average build. Many of my family members are overweight. Food is the center of all our family gatherings.  Is there a celebration? Food will be there! Lots of it. Did someone die? Food will be there.  Break-up, Divorce? Food is there.  From Bon-Voyage Parties to Births, most definitely Food will be there.

Now, I cannot blame my obesity on my family, sure genetics plays a part, and the way you were brought up plays a role, but dammit I had choices. And I made the wrong ones.

Hello- Well, here goes nothing.

I am not sure who will read this blog, or if anyone will read this at all.  Even if this ends up being more of my own personal journal, I think that will be fine too.

Well, who am I first of all.  Well I am a 37 (gulp) year old woman who is in a committed relationship, has a wonderful daughter, and has been having an abusive relationship with food for many years.

Did I know it was abusive?  No.  Like many in abusive relationships I was in denial.  That mirror must be wonky.  That picture is taken form a weird angle. That scale is broken. When in fact the truth is and was I am fat!

But being Fat isn’t my only claim to fame.  I am a single mom, with a full-time job, going to school part-time and active in my local chapter of the March of Dimes.

I am starting this Blog to document my (hopefully) weight loss journey.