I work as a ten month employee at a University. Every year my supervisor has given me the opportunity to teach a summer class so I could make ends meet. This year, only a few weeks prior to the class starting, she informs me I will no longer be teaching. I was devastated. Thankfully I have some of my tax return money that I can use to pay the bills come summer break (June 16-August 15)
Then today I got some news. I was asked to interview for a PT position on campus. It won’t make nearly the same amount of money I would teaching, but it is in the library! (Did I mention I am getting my second Masters in Library Science!) And this would give me some hands on experience I would need once I start looking for jobs after I graduate. I haven’t gotten the job yet, but it has made me start thinking about planning and opportunities, fate and luck. I firmly believe we make our own luck. But we need to always be on the lookout for opportunity and be prepared for it.
This summer I am also preparing for my surgery on August 22. I am excited and scared, but I have made sure to do my due diligence and plan as much as I can. So much change going on in my life this summer. I can’t hardly wait!
As you can tell by my handle, and if you have read previous blog posts, I am a mom to a preemie. And today, I have just been asked to chair a big event (Precious Preemies Fashion Show) for our local chapter of the March of Dimes! I am so thrilled! It is such an honor! Here is a pic from last year’s event…
I got a letter from my surgeon’s office today, I am scheduled in July for my cardiology appt. It also said I should be getting letters for my psych eval, NUT and the like soon. Made me think of the Wizard of Oz. In a sense I am like the 4 main characters. Like the scarecrow (my favorite character) I need a brain- or at least a psch eval. Like the Tin Man I need a heart (cardio eval) like the Lion- I now need the nerve to go through it all. And like Dorothy, I hope this journey leads me home.
I don’t do every-night. Or, all that often. But when I do. It’s pretty bad. And by bad I mean I consume A LOT of calories. Yes- midnight snacking and me go way back. When I was little and skinny I did it. When I was in college and skinny I did it. And now in the cloak of darkness when everyone is asleep I will do it. Chocolate and cheese are my usual go-to foods. Sometimes crackers or chips and chocolate. I get into this vicious cycle of salty and sweet. At first it’s dignified, a little of this a little of that. But before I know it I am just shoveling it in. It’s disgusting. Sometimes I do it when I eat an early dinner. Then I am too embarrassed to get something else to eat in front of my boyfriend. So I think I’ll be fine, but by 11 or 12 I get a ravenous hunger. I could eat something light. But no I choose the salty and sweet. The fatty and processed. And the cycle starts again. Today I decided after a late night binge last night, that I will not do that ever again. My life is going to change forever on August 22, but I need to start making changes now!
A few months ago I won a certificate for a local spa worth 100 dollars. It was a fancy pants Spa, one I could not afford without the certificate, so I decided to treat myself and use some of my birthday cash (yes, my parents still gift me cash!) and my certificate and head to the Spa as a birthday present to me! All in all it was a great day! I got a fab pedi and a magnificent facial. But there were a couple of things that I have to address:
1. The Robes!
I came in and was greeted warmly and shown all the facilities, hot tub, sauna, terrace where I could dine and lounge etc. Then I was given a robe and told to change into the robe and head to the “resting area” that looked like a beautiful roman bathing area. Problem. They gave me a size LARGE robe, which I guess for most they would consider a one size fits all. But, um. Not me People! Did they not look at my large ass? LOL So , embarrassed and slightly pissed I put my clothes back on and had to locate someone who could help me. “Can I get a larger size please?” I whispered as I sheepishly raised the robe towards the women. “Of course” she said, as she looked at me. I could not figure out what her look expressed then, and I still can’t. I, of course, thought the worst. She probably thinks I am a fat ass that doesn’t belong. But maybe not. Who knows, all I know is I’ll put that on my bucket list for something to look forward to after surgery. Fitting into things that are meant as a one size fits all.
2. The hot tub/pool
Calling the hot tub they had a hot tub would be an understatement, it was more like a very heated beautiful tropical pool. I brought my swimsuit like they indicated on the phone, then I chickened out. I saw all the tan and toned bodies and I just chickened out. Also, many people had friends with them or they were couples. I was alone, which I usually don’t care about, I mean I did eat by myself on the beautiful terrace with all the other couples, but putting myself in the vulnerable position of being in a bathing suit alone, I could not do. I was immediately disappointed as I drove away from the Spa not having taking advantage of the great hot tub. I hate that my weight has to play any role in my life. I cannot wait till I am comfortable enough in my own skin to not care what others think.
Maybe next year on my birthday I’ll take my birthday cash and head back, and see if I fit into the robes, and confidently sink into the hot tub!